090625, MON, 21:08
stupid day. drank shitty cheap whiskey cola in public. my head was completely foggy due to the heat and lack of sleep. fu manchu and kyuss were real saviors on this day, some desert rock was neat for the hot air in transport

feel ashamed and dissatisfied with myself. i just want to empty my head

080625, SUN, 23:21
got a little drunk this morning /
drew all day with the window open in my room. i really like summer rain with thunderstorms and the freshness in the air after it. walked through puddles, felt the cool wind on my bare legs without tights (this is nice) i'd have liked to go out or spend time with a book this evening but i have absolutely no time
watched The Devil and Daniel Johnston in the background for the first time in a long time since high school (as usual, only the first half. the second half makes me too upset)

070625, SAT, 15:20

song of the day

030625, TUE, 03:08
yeah i'm back to sleepless nights. i have to draw as much as i never have before
/ i only need to hold out for another month and then i'll be finally free (as a bird)

btw i'm very pleased with the new music and literature that are now in my life. and i found two completely new activities that i want to introduce into my regular routine. i hope i won't give them up anytime soon

010625, SUN, 17:09
in a sentimental mood rn >< i feel like i've become less apathetic and more emotional, i vividly experience every feeling, no matter if it's negative or not. i'm excited for no particular reason. a lot of things are going to happen this summer i think

a couple days ago i spent my birthday with A. i'm not in the mood to reflect on the fact that a new decade of my life has begun. all i want is just to move on and let the days go by

250525, SUN, 21:03

220525, THU, 20:37
idk i'm just tired as hell. when will this week end

22:37 currently working n listening to nin's live on woodstock'94

190525, MON, 21:27
today was kinda fun. had a lot of people talk to, even the random ones. various people asked me to help or smth like that. my body hurts but i don’t really feel tired, even tho i slept for 3 hours. it’s a strange after-sleepless-night-euphoria. i realized that i became interested in observing the effects of destructive practices on my body (insomnia / spontaneous fasting) it seems unremarkable but many effects depend on the combination of factors and the intensity. the most noticeable things i have experienced so far are phenomenon of microsleep and distortion of spatial and temporal perception. i’m making up for missed sleep and meals when i feel that i really need that so i think it can be ok. some sort of self-harm maybe. at least i feel like i can control it

180525, SUN, 21:02
i woke up from a smell similar to a mixture of burning and damp mold. it has been pressing on my head all day long. i think it comes from my roommate's medicine, but i'm not sure, so let it remain a mystery

i almost failed to buy an energy drink today because the seller thought i didn't look like my passport photo. ofc i can't look like my child self. thank god i have to change my passport soon

there’re so many things to do at once, little time for sleep. sometimes it makes me angry and apathetic, i feel like a fish that has been thrown ashore. but at the same time, in this endless rush somewhere, i feel the movement of life, for the first time in a very long time. i realize that this is a transitional period, it breaks, but makes you stronger (very banal thing to say but what can you do if it's true)

030525, SAT, 16:03
i've hit a dead end in my search for a topic for visual research i guess. one of my two works for uni is supposed to be about visual effects in film. i've spent a lot of time trying to find a hook for a research topic among the movies i've already watched. nothing seems interesting. i like technical and cyberpunk-ish stuff (Tetsuo the Iron Man is my personal favorite). i think of going in the direction of cronenberg's films and study a visualization of technology fusion with humans or look at the aesthetics of computer interfaces in sci-fi and modern movies but idk. anyway, i have a lot stuff to watch for my future research

300425, WED, 16:14
added a new section called media log. for now it only has a list of books, but i’ll think how to structure all the information more neatly. i want to make my reading process less chaotic so i hope this section will help me. plus i plan to add something related to music and movies but i'm not sure. i don't want to overload this page
other thoughts for today: really enjoyed the new bladee Ste the Beautiful Martyr 1st Attempt ep. starting from the cover or One in a Million mv (the sword and the cemetery and ahhh the whole simple ethereal vibe. simple but quite captivating). need to reflect on the recent appeal to religious themes in alternative music. the first examples that come to my mind are the whole ethel cain image or the latest alex g album (can’t forget the ‘God is my designer / Jesus is my lawyer' lines from God Save the Animals (2022) album)

16:19 i have nothing to smoke today

290425, TUE, 18:11
i've been reading moyoco anno's Memoirs of Amorous Gentlemen this morning. love the art style, it slightly reminds me of ai yazawa's Nana. found out that moyoco anno is married to hideaki anno btw

i have half ambitious half realistic plans for oncoming spring break. i'll share my thoughts on this later