310725, THU, 20:15
today i was digging through some obscure OVAs that i hadn't had time to watch before.
i've been interested in Blue Submarine no.6 (1998) for a long time, mostly because of the sick concept art by Range Murata.

so i gave it a shot. and it was... ok. the plot is simple (a standard story about saving the earth in a post-apocalyptic world), the character design is nice, but the main thing worth mentioning is the abundance of painfully dated CGI. it aged really poorly – the battle scenes look ridiculous, though, to be honest, there's a certain charm to it. so the series is still worth checking out, but only as a product of its time and an example of old media. it's short, the total running time is no more than 2 hours. plus, there are cute fish girls (quite interesting decision to make them with bare tits).

song of the day !

300725, WED, 19:19
the beach episode day. went to the city beach. i don't really like public beaches, but it wasn't very crowded on a weekday. collected some shells. my camera batteries died when i wanted to take some pics of the water, otherwise it was a nice little day.
and i need to finally get sunglasses. i found a model that suits me very well.

song of the day

290725, TUE, 12:31
finished Naoki Urasawa's Monster (2004). despite the size of the story and the number of characters, i enjoyed all the storylines. the darkish noir atmosphere and historical setting were nice. i liked the geographical movements of the characters and the detailed panoramas of 90s western germany. i also liked the interweaving of memories from the past and how many small details fit into a common puzzle with the efforts of many characters. all this created a sense of the scale of the plot. it felt really huge and very detailed. the open ending left a feeling of incompleteness, but i think that the obviously expected ending with the triumph of the "good" side would have also been wrong. i'm upset that the storyline about the experiments on children and much of johan and anna's childhood was left in the past. a lot of questions weren't answered and it seems like the creators of the story considered it necessary only to show that the survived main characters have everything fine in their lives. although i can't believe that each of them didn't end up having severe PTSD after so much shit they went through.

! this is the most general and raw impression, but i think i'd talk about this story for a quite long time
spoiler alert rip Wolfgang Grimmer you were the goat

song of the day. been sleeping on Archy's music for too long time. Man Alive! is my fav album so far

280725, MON, 11:10
wow it's been a while since the last update. i moved in with my parents in july, spent most of my time wandering around my hometown with my Nikon Coolpix 4600 and just living offline. i cut down on drinking alone because alcohol had become a huge depressant for me. my parents' house is a weird place in general that sucks all the energy out of me, and it always has been that way as far as i can remember.
i still haven't improved my relationship with my parents, although i hoped that with age many of the grievances would disappear. i often cry to release anger because of the repressed negativity, panic attacks have become more frequent, i spent almost the entire month of july in a state of derealization(/depersonalization), which i haven't had for a long time. yeah. tired of the fragility of my body and mind, like, physically tired.

i think it will get easier with the onset of august. for now, i'm concentrating on all the pieces of media that i need to catch up on. i continue coding and do some design, learn a couple of new graphic software. there's a small personal project that i'm starting to work on, i think i'll reveal the details in the future if something good starts to come out ︵



song of the day. back to listening to deftones this summer

090625, MON, 21:08
stupid day. drank shitty cheap whiskey cola in public. my head was completely foggy due to the heat and lack of sleep. fu manchu and kyuss were real saviors on this day, some desert rock was neat for the hot air in transport

feel ashamed and dissatisfied with myself. i just want to empty my head.

080625, SUN, 23:21
got a little drunk this morning /
drew all day with the window open in my room. i really like summer rain with thunderstorms and the freshness in the air after it. walked through puddles, felt the cool wind on my bare legs without tights (this is nice) i'd have liked to go out or spend time with a book this evening but i have absolutely no time
watched The Devil and Daniel Johnston in the background for the first time in a long time since high school (as usual, only the first half. the second half makes me too upset).

070625, SAT, 15:20

song of the day

030625, TUE, 03:08
yeah i'm back to sleepless nights. i have to draw as much as i never have before
/ i only need to hold out for another month and then i'll be finally free (as a bird)

btw i'm very pleased with the new music and literature that are now in my life. and i found two completely new activities that i want to introduce into my regular routine. i hope i won't give them up anytime soon.

010625, SUN, 17:09
in a sentimental mood rn >< i feel like i've become less apathetic and more emotional, i vividly experience every feeling, no matter if it's negative or not. i'm excited for no particular reason. a lot of things are going to happen this summer i think

a couple days ago i spent my birthday with A. i'm not in the mood to reflect on the fact that a new decade of my life has begun. all i want is just to move on and let the days go by.

250525, SUN, 21:03

220525, THU, 20:37
idk i'm just tired as hell. when will this week end.

22:37 currently working n listening to nin's live on woodstock'94

190525, MON, 21:27
today was kinda fun. had a lot of people talk to, even the random ones. various people asked me to help or smth like that. my body hurts but i don’t really feel tired, even tho i slept for 3 hours. it’s a strange after-sleepless-night-euphoria. i realized that i became interested in observing the effects of destructive practices on my body (insomnia / spontaneous fasting) it seems unremarkable but many effects depend on the combination of factors and the intensity. the most noticeable things i have experienced so far are phenomenon of microsleep and distortion of spatial and temporal perception. i’m making up for missed sleep and meals when i feel that i really need that so i think it can be ok. some sort of self-harm maybe. at least i feel like i can control it.

180525, SUN, 21:02
i woke up from a smell similar to a mixture of burning and damp mold. it has been pressing on my head all day long. i think it comes from my roommate's medicine, but i'm not sure, so let it remain a mystery

i almost failed to buy an energy drink today because the seller thought i didn't look like my passport photo. ofc i can't look like my child self. thank god i have to change my passport soon

there’re so many things to do at once, little time for sleep. sometimes it makes me angry and apathetic, i feel like a fish that has been thrown ashore. but at the same time, in this endless rush somewhere, i feel the movement of life, for the first time in a very long time. i realize that this is a transitional period, it breaks, but makes you stronger (very banal thing to say but what can you do if it's true)

030525, SAT, 16:03
i've hit a dead end in my search for a topic for visual research i guess. one of my two works for uni is supposed to be about visual effects in film. i've spent a lot of time trying to find a hook for a research topic among the movies i've already watched. nothing seems interesting. i like technical and cyberpunk-ish stuff (Tetsuo the Iron Man is my personal favorite). i think of going in the direction of cronenberg's films and study a visualization of technology fusion with humans or look at the aesthetics of computer interfaces in sci-fi and modern movies but idk. anyway, i have a lot stuff to watch for my future research

300425, WED, 16:14
added a new section called media log. for now it only has a list of books, but i’ll think how to structure all the information more neatly. i want to make my reading process less chaotic so i hope this section will help me. plus i plan to add something related to music and movies but i'm not sure. i don't want to overload this page
other thoughts for today: really enjoyed the new bladee Ste the Beautiful Martyr 1st Attempt ep. starting from the cover or One in a Million mv (the sword and the cemetery and ahhh the whole simple ethereal vibe. simple but quite captivating). need to reflect on the recent appeal to religious themes in alternative music. the first examples that come to my mind are the whole ethel cain image or the latest alex g album (can’t forget the ‘God is my designer / Jesus is my lawyer' lines from God Save the Animals (2022) album)

16:19 i have nothing to smoke today

290425, TUE, 18:11
i've been reading moyoco anno's Memoirs of Amorous Gentlemen this morning. love the art style, it slightly reminds me of ai yazawa's Nana. found out that moyoco anno is married to hideaki anno btw

i have half ambitious half realistic plans for oncoming spring break. i'll share my thoughts on this later